Naruto the Luckiest Unlucky Man
by Wow1
Summary: Naruto disliked attention. He only desired to spend his time lying down and gazing at the sky...then these kids happen to show up in front of him and screw up everything! Others call him lucky, but is lucky really the right word to define his life?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

* * *

Naruto was 6 years old by the time he entered the academy. It was horrendous experience for him, as he was forced to stay during the lesson even though he was not interested in becoming a ninja!

"Damn that old monkey! Why do I have to listen to the so called reason the Senju clan is badass!" Naruto bickered. "I swear, I'm going to leave this village one day and spend rest of my life staring at the cloud!"

Unfortunately, that was not happening anytime soon, since unknown to Naruto, he was the village's jinchuriki, and therefore, he was valuable to the village.

All of a sudden, the three kids about 10 years old approached Naruto with a malicious grin on their face. "Oh, who's this? Urine Naruto?" The leader of the group commented, causing the other two to fall on their butt and cry out of laughter.

"What" Naruto deadpanned. "Grow up already. I am 6, while you are 10 already. You think that's funny? There's something clearly wrong with you guys." He honestly couldn't comprehend these so called seniors. They are older than him yet cannot even prevent the snot from drooling from their nose? Jokes.

Feeling awkward due to Naruto's unfazed gesture, the group quickly returned to what they believed to be menacing. "Shut up, shorty! You are the one who stole my 100 yen, right?! Well, I am supposed to buy new Oh Yu Gi cards with that! So hand that back including 100 percent compound interest!" He was just blabbering the stuffs he heard in his business class.

Naruto facepalmed at the leader's lack of intelligence. "ok, bye." As he turned to leave, he heart the angered shout from the kids.

The leader of the group hastily jumped to prevent Naruto to run away. However, do to the slippery sand, coupled with the force of gravity that seemed to work against his above average weight, he face planted on the sand, going straightly into the unconsciousness.

The other two gasped at their fallen leader, before shaking in fear and pointing at Naruto.

"Y-you! What did you do to him!"

"Y-yeah! Do you know what you just did?! He's Oshikko Dame, the eldest son of Professor Poopypants!"

Naruto couldn't believe his day. First the academy, second these morons. Can it get any worse?

Shivering from Naruto's silent rage, the kids crawled away in attempt to survive.

Shaking his head, Naruto left with a big sigh, unknown of the future troubles this small event will bring.

Hence the legend of the Uzumaki Naruto began.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Six years passed since the weirdest encounter Naruto ever had. During the past 6 years, his life was quite _eventful_ , and Naruto somehow became the infamous delinquent of Konoha. He saved a girl, beat up few older kids, knocked out Uchiha Sasuke by accident, failed the academy 2 times...etc. Why can't he just be left alone for once?

Sighing, Naruto opened a door, signaling his entry to the class. As lazy as he was, being scolded by Iruka was more troublesome than waking up early.

Upon his arrival, he was greeted with a familiar sight, with Sasuke childishly glaring at him, Hinata fainting, Kiba cowering in fear, and Choji running out of the classroom in tears. The whole classroom itself fell silent upon his presence, and as he took a step, one kid stepped forward and knelt.

"Uzumaki-sama, good morning!" The kid's humble greet was quickly followed by the rest of the class, who reluctantly followed the kid's form. It was weird, but Naruto was used to it.

"Good morning." Mentally sighing, Naruto stoically went to sit on a random seat which happened to be right next to Hinata. The poor girl failed to realise this as she was yet to return from the state of unconsciousness.

For the past years, Naruto involuntarily made a name for himself as the "Flash Smasher Naruto". As ridiculous as it was, the story leading up to today was even worse.

After his incident with the three kids, Naruto kept having an encounter with the other kids who called themselves the ninjas from the Poopypants clan. The funny thing was, every single one of them knocked themselves out with the face plant on the ground, leaving the other kids to spread Naruto's consecutive victories.

The rumor said that Naruto is actually an elite jonin who was on par with the Yondaime Hokage, if not better in terms of the speed. Naruto still could not believe that the others actually believed this, but he did not bother correcting the fact, as it was troublesome. At least others finally left him alone.

Today is the last day for the academy, where the graduation test that gauge one's ability in various ninja aspects proceeds. _I've been waiting for this day_. Naruto gleefully thought. _If I purposely fail the exam, I will be able to lose the attention and avoid becoming a genin, which is troublesome._

Soon, Umino Iruka and Mizuki entered the classroom, and the students were called down once at a time in order to proceed the examination.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" Iruka's loud voice voiced as Naruto's turn arrived at last. Grunting, Naruto stood up with bored face and walked into the room, under the fearful looks of his fellow classmates.

"Alright, let the test begin! As the final requirement one must fulfill to acquire the hitai-ite, the ninjutsu portion can be considered the most crucial aspect of ninja! Now, under 5 minutes, you are to perform the three basic academy techniques with a minimum requirement of perfect transformation, replacement speed of less than half a second and perfect clones with no less than three in number!" Iruka briefly explained before allowing Naruto begin.

"Henge no jutsu!" In Naruto's stead was a smoke which suddenly erupted. As the smoke disappeared, there was, Naruto, with no change at all! "See? I transformed into myself."

"Kawarimi no jutsu!" Nothing happened. "I swapped place with myself."

"Clone no jutsu!" Suddenly, the door opened, and three kids who disguised as Naruto came in the room. "Three clones of myself. See? Done."

"Indeed, amazing as always!" Iruka and Mizuki stood up and applauded as the tears of joy rolled out of their eyes, as if they are proud of what Naruto has done. "Naruto, we entrust our next generation to you!" Iruka's hand quickly searched the pocket and took out a gold colored hitai-ite. "Congratulations, Uzumaki Naruto, you pass! From now on, you can proudly call yourself half-genin!"

 _Damn it!_ Naruto cursed in his mind. _I just want to fail the test, you morons! Aren't you guys going against the regulations?!_

Sadly, he couldn't say it out loud in front of two chunins, and reluctantly accepted a hitai-ite. Dejectedly, Naruto crawled out of the academy, completely ignoring the admiration of the other students who were gazing at his shining gold hitai-ite.

Glaring at Naruto's gold metal plate, Sasuke abruptly stood up and brashly shouted, "who wants that urine colored crap anyway! You can keep it, teme!" He childishly pouted before running away with teary eyes. Everyone else thought, "who's this idiot and why is this guy in this class?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"Hmm...this year's graduates seem to be full of potential." Hiruzen nodded with a satisfied expression as he passed through the examination papers. "Although it seems that the expectations of the academy went down in comparison to the past...perhaps the change is necessary."

In front of Sarutobi Hiruzen were ten elite jonins, who were standing with their back straight as their gaze followed the examination papers in Hiruzen's hands. It was a day after the examination, and they were called for the distrubution of the newly graduated kids amongst them.

"Hokage-sama," Hatake Kakashi voiced, "I request that you place academy student Uzumaki Naruto under my education."

"Oh? And why so?"

"As you can see, I am the strongest jonin in Konoha, and the best deserves only the best. Since Naruto is the best, he deserves to be my student." Kakashi arrogantly stated, with his chest puffed up with pride.

"Don't listen to him, hokage-sama." Sarutobi Asuma stood up right after Kakashi's remark, while Kakashi a heated glare. "I secretly tested his nature affinity when he was asleep, and found out that he has a wind affinity, which only I can teach. So you should place him in my command."

"Wait!" Suddenly, the window crashed and an old and lively man with long, spiky white hair swiftly flew in. "Since I taught his fa-ehm, ehm, anyway, you should place him under me, cuz I can help with his Kyuubi problem."

Upon the sudden requests of the top three elites of Konoha, every people within the room were astonished. However, everyone heard of the legend of Uzumaki Naruto in the past 6 years, and it could be said that every jonin wished to take Naruto under their command.

Under the sudden pressure, Hiruzen's eyes gleamed.

"Well, I would like to ask you three to back off first. If you want to become his sensei, you must first take Uzumaki Naruto's sensei examination, which will be held tomorrow. First, let's sort out the other students." Hiruzen calmly stated, as he knew that it was practically impossible for them to give up on the privilege of becoming Naruto's sensei.

Accepting hokage's words, the jonins settled with choosing the other students first.

* * *

Naruto was swinging on the swing miserably, while watching the others interacting with their family. His eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"Why...I just want to live an easy life...why do I have to be a ninja!" He whispered to himself as he lowered his head. As he made those negative thoughts within his mind, Naruto felt the rage boiling within his heart. Abruptly, Naruto stood up and clenched his fist, with his face covered in absolute fury. "This is all your fault, Professor Poopypants! Today, I shall get my revenge!"

Naruto maniacally cackled as he slowly dragged himself to Poopypants compound, causing the others around him to shiver in fear. Literally every people around him could feel the cold sweats behind their back.

Poopypants compound was located right above hokage tower, that's right, right above. They were known as the strongest family within Konoha, even though most of the family are merchants. This is because of their technology which surpasses even the Yukigakure, the country widely known for their technology.

When Poopypants member goes out, he or she would normally bring the jet pack with them, due to it being the only way form them to enter and exit the compound.

"POOPYPANTS!" Naruto screamed in rage as he saw the compound in his eyes. "Come out, it's time for us to settle this long battle between us!"

In response to Naruto's rage filled scream, someone shot out of the compound with a creppy laugh. "Indeed, I was wondering when you would show up!" Poopypants currently had a rocket launcher in his right hand, and another one in his left. "I admit that you do have some skills, defeating all of our warriors in one go! However, this is your end, Uzumaki Naruto!"

Professor Poopypants blasted his rocket launchers in his left and right, and all of a sudden, Naruto found exactly 24 rockets flying towards him.

"Heheheheh, there's only 0.000000001 percent that you will be able to escape all of my rockets! You are screwed!"

However, Naruto seemed bored as he picked his nose and gazed at the rocket missiles. Astonishingly, the rockets all flew past him, with none of them hit!

"Hmph, is that all? Weak." Naruto gave a fierce glare at Poopypants before flicking his booger at Poopypants.

The flying booger landed on Professor Poopypants' face, which alarmed him in disgust. "Ewwww, get away from me, get away from me!" He wildly thrashed, and accidentally shot a missile at his compound.

BOOM! The whole compound blew apart, and around hundred members of Poopypants clan flew and smashed into the hard ground. The sudden explosion alarmed everyone in Konoha, as they quickly approached to see what was going on.

"Look! It's 'Flash Smasher' Naruto! Seems like he did it again!"

"Finishing Poopypants clan in one go?! Damnnn!"

"Hail Uzumaki!"

The street was in chaos as everyone saw the miserable looking Poopypants clan. Today, Uzumaki Naruto managed to pull out a win against the strongest clan of Konoha, all by himself!

"URGHHHH! Damn you, Uzumaki Naruto!" Professor Poopypants viciously screamed as his face was red in uncontrollable anger. Fuming, Poopypants took out a pistol from his sleeve and shot at Naruto in blinding speed. Naruto didn't even see the bullet coming.

However, while spacing out, he stepped on the piece of paper that somehow ended up in front of him and slipped. "Woahh!" While waving his arms, he simultaneously dodged all the bullets shot by Professor Poopypants like Neo from the 'Matrix.'

At this point, Professor Poopypants was cowering in fear, with his face pale white. "The speed of bullet was barely slower than the speed of sound! How on earth he dodge that!" He said to himself before slowly distancing himself from Naruto, who was dazed from the unexpected fall. "This is bad, I underestimated him!"

"Today, you win, but we will get our revenge next time!" Professor Poopypants screamed before bouncing away with the other clan members into the far horizon...

 _Sigh,_ Naruto sighed to himself as he realized what he has been doing till now. He suddenly felt so stupid, unreasonably verging into Poopypants clan just to ease his anger, it felt as if he was slowly conforming into this world...

"Anyway, I should go back..." Naruto slowly walked away in the opposite direction under the watch of countless gazes.

The legend of Uzumaki Naruto ascended to the whole new level, with his astonishing victory against the whole clan...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

* * *

 _Beep! Beep! Beep!_ The alarm rang at 8 in the morning, startling Naruto from his sleep.

CRASH! With an irritation, Naruto heavily smashed his alarm, completely shattering it. By the way, he didn't smash with his fist, but with a metal bat he got it as a birthday gift from his friend metal bat! Don't ask anymore, because metal bat disappeared one day, saying that he has to go and take care of his sister...

"MEEAATTT!" The guy living next door to Naruto suddenly yelled, it seems like Naruto's alarm woke him up as well.

Yawning, Naruto dragged himself to the bathroom, in order to get himself ready for the another day. After all, he ran out of manga to read, and his monthly allowance was not enough for him to buy an another one.

Having a short breakfast, NOT ramen, Naruto left his apartment and headed towards his favorite spot to gaze the clouds and relax.

"Heyyy, Naruto!" As he was walking, Naruto found a company who calls himself Nara Shikamaru. Naruto found this guy annoying, he was right next to him every single time he went to watch the clouds!

"Hey, Shikamaru." Naruto said with a bored tone, not even bothering to look.

"Wha-what? I'm not that lazy pineapple, don't you compare him with me!" A voice shrieked to Naruto in anger. "Hey! Are you even paying an attention!"

Sighing, Naruto turned around to see who this guy was. The guy had a rainbow colored hair that reached down to his toes like Rapunzel, the eyelashes which were even longer than his hair, and due to him wearing the tank top, the armpit hair which were even longer than his eyelashes were visible to everyone's eyes.

"Ah, sorry, Konohamaru. What do you need?" Naruto asked with an uninterested tone, as he was quite irritated from being obstructed.

"I am just here to ask you, are you going to watch the tournament? They say that the grand examination is going to be held with you as the winning prize!" Konohamaru exclaimed with an overflowing excitement, and his hairs seemed more excited than he was.

"Nope, not interested," Then Naruto paused. "Wait, what? Me as the prize? You must be joking. Whoever is doing this is clearly overlooking my human rights, and treating me as the possession! Who's the person operating the event?!" Furiously, Naruto yanked Konohamaru's hair tightly, which got ripped off due to the sudden force.

"...wha...is this a wig?" Konohamaru nodded proudly as a response to Naruto.

"Yeah, I learned a jutsu from a toad guy which strengthened my hair, so I am attaching them everywhere to grow stronger!" Konohamaru pumped his fist up before reattaching his wig under his armpit. "Anyway, you should come and watch, just saying. K, gotta go, bye!" Konohamaru clumsily ran out of Naruto's sight, without answering his question.

"Oh hey, Naruto!" A new voice came right after Konohamaru's departure.

 _Great, it's Shikamaru._ Naruto hastily ran without looking back.

* * *

The training ground 1 was filled with countless number of people due to the announcement of the publicized tournament between the elite jonins. Konohamaru was amongst them.

"Hey, when is it going to begin! I've been waiting for 33 seconds!" A guy within the crowd shouted.

"Me too! I've been waiting for 33 seconds too! What a coincidence!"

Ignoring the blabber within the crowd, Sarutobi Hiruzen turned to look at Konohamaru. "Did the bait work?"

"I dunno, I mean why are you asking this kind of thing to an 8 year old kid like me?" Konohamaru replied with a sage pose.

"Hey! No backing off, don't forget our deal!" Upon hearing the statement, Jiraiya cried with a scissor on his hand.

"No! Anything but cutting my hair!"

"Alright, alright, calm down. Let's wait for 1 more second, and if he's not here still, let's abduct him." Hiruzen replied with a composed stance. "Oh, guess he's not coming. Jiraiya, you know what to do."

"Oh yea, I know what to do." Jiraiya destroyed all the wig on Konohamaru, who cried in anguish. "Yea, done. Now what?"

"Bring Naruto here. This is an order as the hokage!"

"Hai!" Jiraiya then left with a shunshin.

On the road nearby, Shikamaru and Naruto possessed in Shikamaru's shadow possession jutsu was seen walking to the huge crowd. Unfortunately, Jiraiya is going to miss the tournament.

"Lemme go, pineapple!" Naruto resisted the possession with no avail.

"Eh? Who's pineapple? Who are you talking to?" Shikamaru said lazily. "Just bear it, Naruto, I am doing this for my sake."

"Something is wrong with what you said...anyway, why? You know how troublesome it is for me to go there! As the fellow 'troublesome' hating person, don't you understand my contempt towards those idiots?"

"Yes, but you...you cannot steal my spot as the laziest person in Konoha! You went too far this time, Naruto! I've got no choice." Shikamaru replied with a hurt expression, clenching his fist. Of course, Naruto had to mimick this movement.

"So now you get why-" Suddenly, he smelt a fart on his face. "WHAT THE-" Losing his control, the shadow possession jutsu was released, freeing Naruto from the control.

"Shikamaru, you may be smart, but I am lucky. You forgot to put this into an account, and you failed. Just wait, I will be coming back for a revenge!" Naruto hastily retreated, but he bumped into somebody. Yes, Jiraiya.

"Finally, found you kid-"

"I WILL REVENGE MY HAIR!" Jiraiya was interrupted by a red-eyed Konohamaru with a lack of hair.

"Konohamaru, I have no time to mess with you-look what you've done, you idiot! Damn, wait Naruto!" Using momentary distraction as a decoy, Naruto quickly bolted away from the training ground. Of course, the speed was downright pathetic in comparision to Jiraiya, and eventually caught, but he tried at least.

"Hmm...such an individual, to be able to momentarily escape from Jiraiya the sannin with the skill of an academy student...truly a genius amongst geniuses." Hiruzen nodded with a satisfaction as he watched the scene. However, he failed to say that they were all based on Naruto's luck, just as always.


End file.
